Author: maryboleyn

I have been shamed (by people who will remain nameless) for posting my negatives and not always being optimistic, enlightened and encouraging. “Only share your happy things with the world”, they say. “Clara is watching.” And so for months I have sat silently, some days sad, some days happy but not enlightened, but forever fearful of the effect my words will have in the future when my daughter Google’s me. However, today I am going to put the shame aside for a moment because I need your help. Today I am not happy, elated or even encouraged. Today I am sad and scared because today is day 14 of me being trapped in a hospital bed, on continuous oxygen, attached to IV’s, in pain and sick. Today I heard words like, “End of days,” “New normal,” ” Complications,”. Please note that I am not afraid of dying, I have made peace with the idea. But that may change, tomorrow may be different. So today I ask that you pray for me. Pray that I continue to have peace through this process and that in 20 years when my Clara Google’s me, she will read this message as a message of strength, my strength to ask for help, and the strength that a community can have on a person and the power of prayer (happy thoughts, positive vibes etc). And if she can’t see these things, I pray that her and you will forgive me for posting a message that is not all rainbows and butterflies. Because some days are not. Lots of love. Xoxo