Category: Legacy of Love

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Dedicated to the strongest woman I have known!

 

A tribute to Mary. When you can’t breathe, nothing else much matters. 

 

This is the week before Mary came to visit arriving July 16th, 2017. I imagine what she must have been thinking and planning a week before traveling to see me. We had spent time on the phone and Skype the weekend before. I had a great conversation with Clara.

I have wondered, did Mary know at that time that this would be where she would make the transition from this life? Did she think about all the things you had to do before leaving? Did she have things left on her to-do list when she got back?

It was only eight days from the time she arrived until she was gone, in my arms. I am so honored.

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A Great Night Out With Mary Boleyn – Feb 2, 2015

When I got to town in Kitchener that cold winter day, you had everything waiting for me to stay with you for a few days while I did some business. I had rented a car in Buffalo and by the time I got to Kitchener the snow was already 6-8 inches deep. You had a space for my rental car all set up, of course, so I easily got into the underground garage. The next morning, I went out to get a Timmies for us both and got stuck in the snow around the first corner. It was one of those have one foot out the door pushing and letting the engine do it’s best while the tires just spun. Oh, the joys of Canada in the winter.

You announced that you had bought two tickets to see Jeff Dunham at the arena on Ottawa St. We got there at the opening because you said we could park in the handicap parking because of your CF. It was perfect. We sauntered in and you took me to the gift tables and insisted that I let you by me a Peanut doll. I agreed only if I could buy you one as well. I still have mine next to your picture to remind me to smile often.

Here we are in the arena waiting for the show to start. Love you!

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Mary’s Mother’s Day 2018

It was a year ago that I reached out to Mary to let her know I was in her corner just prior to Mother’s Day. It was the first Mother’s Day following Clara being adopted and I knew she would have some emotion around it. That email changed both our lives. She immediately wrote back to me.

May 3, 2017

Hi Sweetie;

I was just thinking with all that is going on this month, you might like to know that someone is in your corner.
Love;
DAD
Thanks Dad. This email came at just the right time.

I would like to take a moment to say sorry to you. I have being doing a lot of reading (I’m currently reading a great book called Rising Strong) and in it it talks about how we have expectations for other people and then resent them for not living up to them and then dealing with the lose of those unmet expectations. I’ve started to learn that expectations are resentments waiting to happen.
I’m sorry that I had expectations for you as a dad that I didn’t share with you, and I’m sorry that I got mad and blamed you for not living up to those expectations.
I know now that you were doing the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.
I hope this email doesn’t come too late for us to try to rebuild our relationship.
I love you and am grateful to have you in my life, as you are.
Please forgive the time it took for me to learn these lessons for myself.
Love
May 2018
I wanted this Mother’s Day to be special.  Mary spent her last eight days with me at Hyco Lake with my best friend, Mary Mount. Daughter Mary really enjoyed the lake view.
I took a grapefruit half and put in a candle, surrounded by the flowers that were blooming when she was here. I included a Maple Leaf for Canada and a smidgen of her ashes and set it afloat at dusk with the candle lit. My friend Mary and I watched and played Ode to Joy on my phone until they drifted out of site. It took hours and was very heartwarming.
I also included a candlelight for my Mom and Mary Mount’s Mom. I think I will make it a tradition.

 

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Clara – You Rock!

Hey, Mary;

I bought heart stickers and a fridge magnet to send to Clara this month. You always loved stickers so I thought Clara would as well.

I thought of you both when I saw; “You Rock” card and magnet.

I like having your picture nearby to look at every day. Love you!

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Winter for Mary

 

When Mary was small, she loved to go out into the snow. She would build enclosed forts in the backyard on David St in Elora. The video of her sticking her head out of a snow fort was there.

Like for many Canadians, winter has a different impact on adults as it does for children. It takes an even bigger change when raising children in the winter climate.

Mary loved taking Clara out into the snow whenever she could. There is a park across the street from her Queen St apartment. Clara and I spent time there in both Winter and Spring.  Mary would always do her best to give Clara the best experiences for them to enjoy together. Playdates with her friends and their kids. A photography session on a Fall day. Hours with Clara and I at the Kitchener park. Clara always wanted me to chase her through the maze and catch her when she slid down the sliding board, giggling and screaming.

I am thinking about Mary’s infectious laugh today. Although it saddens me to remind myself of that sound in my head, it reminds me of the suffering Mary endured throughout her life with CF. Through it all, she smiled and refused to let it take away her joy of being alive.

I love you, Mary.

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Tim Hortons

Whenever I think about Tim Hortons I immediately think of you. So many times at so many Timmies. You always got a triple-triple, extra large.

Love and miss you. DAD

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Jan 2018 Gift to Clara

Hey Mary;

I am sending this to Clara for her to write about her life adventures and create pictures. Someday she may read this and know we were thinking about her today.

Love you!

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Playing Songs for Mary

Jan 8

I picked up my guitar this morning which I have not played in several months now. Although it sits next to my bed, I have not felt the (something, I can’t name) for some time to pick it up and play. When I did begin to play, my mind went to playing music with you, Mary.

When you were around four, I was living in Guelph in a bachelor’s pad. I showed you a picture during the last days you were with me before you transitioned from this life. We talked about it and the song I made up to sing to you while you were taking a bath and wanted me to sing a song to you. I would start out by singing, Mary, my special daughter. You would chime in with “What?” after I would sing Mary like I was calling you and you were answering me with what. We both thought that was very funny each time we did it and remembered it. It was a moment between Dad and Mary that I will always remember.

This is one of your TaDa poses that you became so famous for.

Love you forever to the moon and back!