I noticed that Sharon, Lois & Bram performed Skinnamarink at their final show last week. It brought back fine memories of singing that with Mary.
Love you!
Questions Mary ask of me in her last few days 1
As a parent, our hearts get torn out when our child leaves this world suddenly. I had the greatest opportunity of my life when Mary came to be with me to help her through the transition from this life. One of the questions that Mary asked me as I held her in my arms was; Dad, are you disappointed in me? I ask, in what way. She responded, in how I dealt with having CF.
My heart sank. I don’t think I will ever get over the fact that her genetic disease came partly from me.
I held her tight and told her how proud I was of her and that she handled her CF better than I thought I would ever be able to do. I told her how strong she was and loving, and how caring and how well she looked after Clara and the issues of raising a child as a single parent.
Clara, if you ever read this, just know your mother was a fine woman who loved you beyond measure.
I feel she was just too beautiful for this world and was ready to move on.
Love you forever!
Notes to Mary
Song for Mary
I am in the process of writing a song for Mary from her DAD. I want to get what I have so far down, just in case.
Seems like so long ago,
Thirty-three years so so.
You came and truly rocked my world.
You were Daddy’s Delight.
A smile that Lit the night.
You gave me purpose and a dream.
Now I miss you sometimes more than I can bear,
It makes me turn to see if you’re not there.
I hear your voice calling out for Daddy,
Cause as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be
One Year Ago Today Jul 25
Yesterday, one year ago on the 24th, Mary spoke her last words, closed her eyes and slipped out of her body. She was no longer in pain. No longer in pain from physical stresses. No longer suffering from the human bondage of responsibilities and to-do lists. No longer planning for what’s next or what still needs to be done. Mary was finally at peace with herself and the world.
What a wonderful completed plan she orchestrated. What a beautiful execution of her finale.
What an honor she entrusted to me to be her final guide. Did she know in her heart that only I could provide the last moments she envisioned in her plan? I feel content that I gave her everything she asked for and needed to make the transition most joyful.
I saw this jpg yesterday and thought it appropriate.
One Year Later Jul 19 2018
Jul 19
I have thought a lot about what went through Mary B’s mind before she came to Windy Heron. The week before she came, did she say goodbye to people, Bill, Clara, her mom? Did she have any idea that she was so close to making the transition?
The third day she was here, she suddenly asked me. Do you know that feeling that hits you after you have had a car accident and your adrenalin stops when you get home and you are totally exhausted and your guards are all down? I said that I did know that feeling, having had several serious car accidents in my life. She said, that’s how I feel here today. That’s all she said.
The next day we were sitting quietly, when Mary B started to cry. I asked her what was going on, could she tell me? She said, I feel it in my gut that I am never going to leave here. I held her tight and we cuddled. I tried not to cry and just be there for her and her needs. How hard was that?
One of her questions was; Are you disappointed in me? I asked, in what way? She said in terms of how I have dealt with my CF? I immediately hugged her and told her how proud I was of her and how she had grown up knowing she had CF and all the great things she did with her life and all she had done with Clara. I told her I didn’t think I could have done as well as she had, and she was an example to so many other people and her friends for her strength and laughter and joy for life.
Mary B sayings:
If you can’t breathe, nothing else much matters.
Everybody is just doing the best they can.
One Year Ago Today Jul 17
Jul 17
A year ago, today, Mary and I watched TV but mostly talked, or I talked, and she listened. She told me about the book she wanted to have read at her funeral, Oh, the Places You’ll Go, by Dr. Seuss. I told her I would get it and read it to her. She thought I would order it and it would be delivered. I immediately bought in on Kindle and read it to her. I read that book to her many, many times. Most of the time, she was sleeping but I know she heard my voice. It reminded me of reading to her as a young child. I read to her every night before she went to sleep.
I also read every night to Clara when she would come to visit overnight. Clara loved to be read to.
July 17 2018 One Year Later
One year ago, today, Mary M. went to work, and I stayed close to Mary B. Mary got very irritated when she could not find her O2 calibrator. We looked through all her luggage and she got more frightened that she had forgotten it. I went to Walmart to get a replacement and raced back to the house. Fortunately, I bought the same kind that she had in Canada. Whew! Crisis averted.
Mary and I spent time just talking, watching movies. I think we watched Labyrinth with David Bowie that day. I reminded her of the video of her watching the movie at St. David St in Elora with her little rocking chair.
A Great Night Out With Mary Boleyn – Feb 2, 2015
When I got to town in Kitchener that cold winter day, you had everything waiting for me to stay with you for a few days while I did some business. I had rented a car in Buffalo and by the time I got to Kitchener the snow was already 6-8 inches deep. You had a space for my rental car all set up, of course, so I easily got into the underground garage. The next morning, I went out to get a Timmies for us both and got stuck in the snow around the first corner. It was one of those have one foot out the door pushing and letting the engine do it’s best while the tires just spun. Oh, the joys of Canada in the winter.
You announced that you had bought two tickets to see Jeff Dunham at the arena on Ottawa St. We got there at the opening because you said we could park in the handicap parking because of your CF. It was perfect. We sauntered in and you took me to the gift tables and insisted that I let you by me a Peanut doll. I agreed only if I could buy you one as well. I still have mine next to your picture to remind me to smile often.
Here we are in the arena waiting for the show to start. Love you!
